A Mother’s Intuition
The mother/offspring bond is unbreakable. They can be miles apart, but when something isn’t right with the offspring, the mom will know. No one is going to be able to tell me otherwise. Especially when the mother is empathic.
Now, I didn’t know I was empathic until the last couple of years. I knew I could pick up on someone’s mood - whether they lied about it or not - but I didn’t know that I was absorbing the emotions of others. Fuck, for the longest time I thought it was hormone swings and I was constantly questioning myself: “Would I be this upset if my hormones weren’t swinging?” “Would I be this excited if my hormones weren’t swinging crazy today?” “Would I be this sad if my hormones were normal today?” Some days I didn’t give a shit and let the emotions run amok. Those were not good days. Then I noticed the pattern of who I was around and how I felt after my interaction with them, started limiting my exposure to them and noticed my moods were stable. I honestly don’t know how long I had been absorbing other people’s emotions, but I’m going to say most of my life since I can only count on a hand how many times I’ve woken up bright eyed and bushy tailed; which I’ve noticed recently that is when I wake up with no one else’s energy attached to me.
Anyhoo! Mother/offspring bond. So, it’s no secret my offspring moved out to parts unknown and has continued no contact. Again, I respect the decision. More so now than before because I think I passed down the empathic gift to my offspring. Too many times we both were in the same type of mood for whatever reasons. They’d wake up feeling “meh,” I woke up feeling “meh.” They’d get frustrated on a video game while I was at work and all of a sudden, I would be in a pissy mood. I’d come home and they’d be feeling better, but I’d still be pissy and soon after, they were in a pissy mood. Essentially, we were two empaths absorbing each other’s emotions and honestly, since neither of us knew anything about the whole “woo-woo” stuff and shielding, we are better off apart just so at the very least, we can learn how to deal with our gifts without killing each other. So I have no definitive proof that my offspring is still alive.
Except a feeling. Let me explain what happened.
A few weeks ago, I had a vision that had my offspring in it. It was more of a cameo than a role in the vision, but it was enough for me to see my offspring’s doppleganger at least once a day for two weeks. I do energy checks every morning and at night before I shower/bathe and my offspring’s energy would be just a smidge on me. Nothing I can’t handle - my offspring has an energetic tie to me and I’ve allowed my energy to be pulled towards them when they need it (if someone gets greedy and it affects my health, I YANK it back - I ain’t dead yet, kid, you don’t get all of it). I wonder why my energy is needed, but I don’t pry. I respect the whole no contact on their part, and that includes me divining about them, so I don’t do that. Once, I channeled my offspring on accident (I don’t even know if channeled is the proper term). I almost severed the connection when their energy saddened I was going to do that, so I sat and talked with them very briefly. Then the little fucker somehow learned how to shield their energy from me. I swear, I will remember it until the day I exit this plane. I was sitting on the porch having a smoke, feeling the world’s night time energy (which, in case you’re wondering, is much more quiet than during the day), when it shifted. I can’t explain how I know it shifted, but something wasn’t right. I reached out to those whom I have an energetic connection with and when I reached my offspring and FELT NOTHING I panicked. I kept reaching, tears running down my face thinking the unthinkable had happened when BOOM there they were again. The relief was consuming, then the questions, then my offspring’s unmistakable energy of figuring out something new - I know that energy well since they had it consistently through their toddler years - and my anger from them giving me a heart attack to pride in my offspring for doing something I haven’t figured out how to do with intention (cuz I was manifesting long before I even knew what manifesting was outside of a fancy word for creating). Anyways, I knew my offspring was taking bits of my energy while I slept and since it wasn’t enough to cause me physical harm, I allowed them to keep it.
Last week, while I was winding down my night with a few more TikTok videos, I got hit with something. It started as a kink in my neck. I hadn’t been sleeping very well, so I figured it was that and began massaging my neck when the pain literally moved from the crook of my shoulder to the base of my skull. The last time that happened, something attached to me and it wasn’t pleasant. This was much worse. I started my way upstairs to get my sage when I got hit with such profound pain. I started crying and asking my offspring what was wrong. As I recall to write this, I cannot say how I knew it was them, but I just knew it was them. All I got was pain - I thought someone was attacking them, and there was nothing I could do to protect them. That’s not the kind of feeling any parent wants to feel. Grief-stricken and powerless to help, I asked who was hurting them, the pain in my neck eased up, but then I got this overwhelming sense of sadness. And the sadness wasn’t the kind that one just walks away from. I was fearful, so very fearful. I prayed to our ancestors to keep my offspring safe. I asked the Hag if someone hurt her descendant she was to show absolutely no mercy (she’s far more vindictive than I can ever hope to be), karmic consequences be damned. I was a blubbering mess of their emotions and my own when the sadness started fading. My off-spring was going to sleep. I could still feel them and giving thanks to my ancestors and the Universe, performed my nightly energy check divination. My offspring was predominant in the reading, along with the usual people I interact with. I recalled my energy from everyone else except them, performed an egg cleanse AND took a salt bath while meditating. I had to ground myself if my offspring needed help - I couldn’t be overly emotional and chaotic.
Candle divination - whichever side the wax pools the most is your answer
Not a Goddamned thing helped. I decided to reach out to Spirit and ask a yes/no question if my offspring was ok physically and mentally. The answer was no. I lost my shit. If one were to compare my reaction to the loss of my husband to the fact that my offspring wasn’t doing well mentally or physically one would think I didn’t have any feelings for my late husband because I was a wailing mess. So much of a mess that the dog and cat - my “emotional support as long as you feed us” animals had no clue what to do. The dog kept pacing in front of me and the cat kept rubbing herself against me and meowing. When that wasn’t working, they tried tripping me going upstairs. I think they were trying to get me to the floor so they could be all up in my face because that’s what happened when we all got into bed. I prayed myself to sleep. The next morning I woke up in time to get to work. My face looked like I had gotten stung by a nest of yellow jackets and my mood wasn’t very good. I was an emotional wreck. How I made it through the day, I’ll never know. Every possible scenario played out in my head as to what was wrong from just my offspring having a bad day to a partner being abusive and everything in between. I could still feel them, but their energy was, I don’t know, intermittent? It probably had a lot to do with the fact that I wasn’t properly grounded to make the connection. I wrote them an email telling them what happened and begging them to tell me if they were ok or not and spent the night crying. I was even crying in my sleep - I woke up to the cat licking my tears off of my face. That was a helluva way to wake up.
I didn’t sleep very well that night obviously. The next morning, I grounded as best as I could, prayed that my offspring was feeling better since I couldn’t reach their energy, and went to work. I got there early, as I usually do to meditate before I have to be among everyone’s chaos and just sat looking at the clouds. I had plans that night that required me to be in as good a mood as possible if I wanted to have a pleasant “trip” if you catch my meaning, and while there was nothing I could do about my current troubles I could certainly do something about my mood. I often yammer about having faith in one’s higher power, but when it’s your flesh and blood’s well-being on the line sometimes it’s a bit more difficult to practice what you preach. Breathe in slowly. Hold. Breathe out slowly. Focus on your breathing. Quiet your mind. It was about fifteen minutes before I was supposed to go inside and clock in when I felt my offspring’s energy. It was muted sadness - similar to the night before. I kept my emotions in check so I wouldn’t sever the connection when I got a quick spike of irritation - their energy for when I become overly emotional and smother them (I was a helicopter parent, I know the energy well). The spike faded into regretful sadness, another energy I know from my offspring - it was the same energy they had for me when my husband died.
My offspring read the email. They were irritated that I reached out while saying I respected their decision to go no contact, but they understood my why and they were regretful that they couldn’t respond. Not that someone was keeping them from responding as was my fear, but because my offspring chose not to respond. They wanted to handle this on their own, without help from “mom.” I got teary-eyed, mainly because they were right - if we are ever going to meet each other as individuals, then I need to step away completely. HOWEVER! I don’t think a “yeah, I’m still alive” email is too much to ask for, but that’s just me.
Anyhoo, I went about my day - which happened to be the last day before my four day weekend - and when I got home to get things ready for my “trip,” I smelled an electrical smell. You know the one I’m talking about - like a wire got short circuited somewhere. I looked all over the damned house, smelling like I was a frigging basset hound (the dog thought I was playing), and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I sat down to remember if anything had tripped a breaker when all of a sudden I felt nauseous. Feeling nauseous suddenly and not being pregnant is not normal. Now, the last time that happened, someone threw me the evil eye for whatever reason. I discovered it through an egg cleanse and flushed that shit down the toilet. This time, I was going to find out who it was. It was my offspring and their friend that was living here.
Another form of divination. Tends to give you ballpark who, but God help you if you know more than one. This isn’t the divination from who was giving me the evil eye.
Now, I’ve been the victim of the evil eye before. I don’t like it. Especially when it’s something petty such as talking to someone a person doesn’t like (it’s happened), or when because I pop an energetic shield around me so the vampires can’t latch on (it’s happened - they try to tear my rib cage open and I have to sever the energetic cord with them permanantly - lost a couple of “friends” over that one); or the individual just plain and simple doesn’t like me. Nine times out of ten, the other person doesn’t know they’re doing it - again, I was manifesting long before I knew what it was (if I did, I wouldn’t have said a few things to my ex with the amount of conviction I had at the time) - and I just do an egg cleanse and let the universe or Spirit deal with it. I didn’t care why I was getting sent the evil eye, I just wanted the fucker off of me. I don’t like feeling nauseous for days on end.
This time it felt different. I can’t explain how or why. It just did. So I decided to find out why my offspring and their friend would be sending me the evil eye. I figured it was because I contacted in such a panic, and the friend doesn’t like me anymore than I like them, but mutual dislike and breaking radio silence isn’t reason enough to send bad vibes. So I pulled out my tarot deck. Now, I’m still getting the hang of it - the cards are extremely situational, meaning only those privy to the ins and outs of the circumstances would be able to see the cards and discern what it meant. And usually, when I use tarot, Spirit likes to keep me waiting for the cards to fall. I do need to practice patience and focus more and the universe provides lessons in that for free. yay universe… Anyway, this reading didn’t take near as long as others. With what fell out, I was able to ascertain why they were throwing the ol’ stink eye at me.
Tarot divination. Not the cards from this reading.
It was normal, everyday troubles that had gotten blown out of proportion by overwhelming emotions. You know, things that happens when you live with another person. And because I am still somewhat in “mommy mode,” feeling my offspring’s energy and panicking about it probably did absolutely nothing to help the situation. As I’m finishing this up (ten days later - what? I was on VACATION! and I needed to properly digest this), I can still feel their energy. I’m not reaching out to it like I’ve done before. I’ve learned my lesson. They want to do this on their own. I understand how they feel. I, too, want to do things on my own just for the simple fact of being able to stand on my own two feet. And how fitting that tonight is the full lunar eclipse - a time for completely letting go of old habits and patterns. I need to practice having more faith in the universe. I need to practice having more faith in my offspring’s abilities. I also need to have faith in my abilities. I don’t need to go into crisis mode every time I feel a “disturbance in the force.” I have my discernment, my tools and the ability to use them. Now I need to figure out why I do what I do when I do it.
Ugh. More shadow work. Does Hecate ever give recesses?
