Strange Days…
Something I’ve noticed during the last couple of weeks is how the spiders are getting smaller and smaller. And they’re showing up in weird places. I’m not talking about more in underwear drawers or coffee machines, but just the most odd places. One hitched a ride on my windshield into Manhattan - he was just chilling on the lee side of the wiper blade. How the little bastard wound up INSIDE my car is what puzzles me because I closed the windows when I went into the store and the little shit stain was sitting on my steering wheel when I got into the car.
“Oh my God, you drive so frigging SLOOOWWW! How hasn’t ANYONE been able to deal with you?!?” ~hence why I squished it. It was rude.
He’s a smear now. And really, I’m not interested in having any “Benedict Arachnid” as a spy for the Spider Kingdom. It wasn’t like it did me any good last time, so I’m not wasting my resources.
The spiders are even getting into my garden! Well, that’s not unusual, really, but when they encompass ENTIRE tomatoes in their webs - tomatoes that are perfect for picking and using - it’s a bit suspicious. I almost let the army loose in the garden to annihilate the eight-legged freaks. “Him” said no. The last thing he needed was seeing me running around his half acre trying to catch three chickens with most of the town camped outside to watch the show.
Don’t mess with the ‘maters…
“Him” knows me entirely too well…
So I will have to wait. And continue slaughtering spiders. For those of you who adore spiders, save me the whole “oh they kill bugs” nonsense. They do not. We have flies all over the place, we have lady beetles all over the place; and my garden? Grasshoppers Galore (sounds like a Bond movie ho…). So, no. They do not do much of anything to mitigate the other insect infestations. They even allow the grasshoppers to copulate for DAYS on end - right in front of them! Frigging voyeurs…
I’ve also noticed how Nibbles has been getting much more vocal lately. Her meows are even starting to sound like words like “mom” and “food.” It’s typically in the morning right before I get out of bed. If you want to know what it sounds like, watch the ‘Family Guy’ episode where Stewie gets extra clingy with Lois. Some mornings I just want to punt Her Royal Ass across the room. But I don’t. She’s just doing what a cat does. Now, the one I don’t understand is Buddy. He’s gotten more growly and more barky over the last few weeks, for now reason. Even when “Him” is out of town for the night on a job, Buddy has never been this bad. And because Buddy is more growly and barky, Nibbles doesn’t seem to want to have anything to do with him - they have been the best of friends since Buddy was brought home a month after we took her in, so it’s odd. She’s taken to spending her time in the spare bedroom and only ventures out sporadically - usually two hours before meal time.
It’s all just…strange.
