Home on the Range

So I was on my way home from grocery shopping in Manhattan. I decided to take the back way because…well, because the back roads are more peaceful. Besides, I like seeing the calves have the zoomies.

Anyhoo, after seeing pasture upon pasture of cattle (no calves having zoomies unfortunately), I passed what appeared to be a cow with chaps on its head. After a WTF moment, I slowed to get a better view of the bizarre looking creature while thinking, “Poor dipshit underestimated the bull’s land speed record.”

Even as that thought entered my mind another thought popped up (my thoughts interrupt each other all the time), “They can’t be buffalo, it’s got to be some weird hybrid breed of cow.”

“That’s a buffalo. It has to be.”

“Where did these buffalo come from?”

“Are those buffalo?”

“I’m hungry. Does buffalo taste good?”

I was going to dismiss the sight, but the thoughts kept clamoring for me to pay attention to them (I have a head full of children) so to shut them up and appease the curiousity, I decided to get a better look. I couldn’t stop since there was a truck behind me, so I turned around at the earliest turnoff and looped back around.

Yup. Buffalo. Now, how do I tell Fort Riley their “cows” got out? And who do I call to let them know they left the pasture gate open because all three were meandering their way to the opening?